my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize