Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
