I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
