is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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