At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
