well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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