Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
