You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
