So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
