My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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