Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
