he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
