so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my poor anus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
