So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
