He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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