Just fell off a train. Bad.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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