Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My hand turned me down
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
