can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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