You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
