Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize