Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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