I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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