At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
