12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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