True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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