I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
