I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
