Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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