I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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