oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
