I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
