thus making me awesome and them whores
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
