Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
