forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
