You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
