I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
