Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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