I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
