So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
