Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
