so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
