so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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