I got chris browned last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
