My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
