cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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