where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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