oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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