I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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