Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
