I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
