Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
