Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All the doctor said was why
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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