Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
