How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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