i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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