Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
