My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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