we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
