SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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