That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
