So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
