No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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