Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
