Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
