I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
