singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
