Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
