i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
